Sometimes it is hard to articulate the things I feel inside. It has been quite the year--a roller coaster of emotions, progress, fallbacks, growth, knowledge, heart ache and homesickness, and discovery. My heart feels heavy from time to time. I wonder if I will ever feel like myself again in this body of mine. I see glimpses now and then, but other times I just feel lost. Detached. Like I am wandering through the woods and forgot to leave breadcrumbs behind. I stumble upon a familiar scene now and then, and for a moment feel like I am on the right track. Only to realize I am lost again. I tried to find comforting words for a friend tonight--explained that time brings perspective. I am still waiting for my perspective to arrive...in the meantime, time is still ticking away. In its ever constant fashion.

easter surprise.

today had a lot of mini-miracles. despite a crazy day at the office--i still had energy. that alone is a miracle. {it seems these days i never find the time or ability to sleep.} so to feel awake all day at work is amazing. the second miracle came when my on-call shift at j.crew wasn't used. i had been 99.9% sure that they would need me tonight, so when they told me no i could not have been happier. but the best of all best surprises? my easter surprise from my sweet mama. oh how i love her. she is my best friend and knows me so well. what was the surprise you are wondering?!

S A L T W A T E R S A N D A L S

i have the fondest memories of wearing these cute, comfy and practical sandals as a little girl. i am soooo excited to begin a new summer and make new memories in my saltwaters {this time around i feel much older, but somewhere in there is the same little girl}. i tried them on the second i figured out what was in the package, and instantly fell in love with them all over again. i even frantically ran upstairs to show my roommate...and then downstairs to show two more in the kitchen! none of them had worn or heard of them before, so my excitement over such a simple sandal was probably a little strange. but they are just so fantastic. {they will be perfect with painted summer toes and glorious sandy beaches...just thinking ahead to my vacation to Duck Beach in May!} isn't it wonderful how mothers know just what their daughters need at just the right time? i have been feeling a little sad that i won't be home for easter this year. it's really one of my favorite holidays. it's so peaceful and a time where i can reflect on my Savior and His love for me. the gift of His atonement is the most incredible thing in the world. usual easter festivities include church, an egg hunt with the kiddos {where sometimes i get to pretend i am still young enough to find the magically hidden eggs that the easter bunny has brought} and dinner with the whole family at grandma's...and while i will be away from my family this year, i am lucky to have the blessing of being with them for eternity.

runners high.

{view on memorial bridge looking at the lincoln and washington monument.}

this was the gorgeous view of the city i had on my run tonight.
there really is nothing quite like a
runners high.
especially when the sun is shining and warm on my skin
and
i get to look at a view as incredible as this.
i
love
dc

plus it fixed my two day migraine.
huzzah.

m.

*disclaimer: it has been forever since i have posted. i am aware. but we will pretend like it hasn't so i can tell you about my wonderful weekend with melissa and not feel guilty for all the other things i have left out.

so M came to town this weekend. and let me just tell you, it was delightful. she was a little piece of home and comfort that i greatly needed. in the same wonderful way, i was a little piece of vacation and escape that she needed. there is something so wonderful about an old, lifelong friend. no matter how many days, weeks, or months you go without talking you can always pick up where you left off. M and i have always had that kind of friendship. the second she came into my life i felt she had been there forever.

it was a fast weekend, but we made the best of it. some of our dc events included: pizza here with a series of random adventures throughout the city, brunch at the Hamilton with a lovely and lively group of girls {we enjoyed incredible wheat and oat pancakes with cinnamon apples and maple syrup}, a trip to the American History museum to see the dresses of the First Lady's {even Michelle Obama's inauguration gown}, and a late night run for froyo. we finished off the weekend with a perfect sunday afternoon in the city--cherry blossoms, MLK memorial, and the most magical art exhibit at the Hirshhorn gallery, and a walk through adam's morgan and woodley park til we rested our tired feet at my new favorite place.

the weekend was polished off with hours of thought provoking conversation and lighthearted laughter. i just love my M. thanks for coming and spending the weekend with me. i am so glad you picked dc to potentially go to grad school. great idea.

a passing thought.

do you ever walk the same path...
on a regular basis?
almost daily.
but then one day,
have you ever walked on the other side of the sidewalk?
it's a completely different perspective.
the light falls differently between the buildings.
your feet trip on new cobblestones.
the view of your surroundings
becomes unfamiliar.

jet lag.

so there is this wonderful thing called jet lag. it makes me want to eat hummus and m&m's at 2 am while sipping on a diet coke. even after a 12 hour work day. what the?! i wanna know why. but nevertheless, it's been an enjoyable couple of late night hours. even if i regret it in the morning (and tomorrow night at work...ugh).

i decided since i was up i might as well document some of my trip home for the holidays. it was fabulous.
need i say more?
probably not. but i will anyway.
one of my favorite days was when my mom and i drove up to Sundance to take my little brother Konnor snowboarding.
since we were lucky enough to sneak away alone, we decided to make a little date of it.
we ordered a turkey bacon avocado and perused the catalog store.
it was delightful.
i kind of love my mom.
a lot.
she is my bestest friend.

can you tell i am homesick already?

{photos from my phone on our little adventure up the canyon.}

Sunday Brunch

so last sunday lauren and i decided to have sunday brunch together. can i just say that it was delicious?? church was bright and early (8 am!) and let me just tell you folks, that is really early on a sunday. hopefully no one noticed the glass baking dish, butter, and syrup i had stashed in my purse (ok, maybe it is the size of a small suit case. i like a big bag!) we made a mad dash to lauren's after church and enjoyed yummy german pancakes and fresh blueberries. i loved cooking again. my kitchen has been getting remodeled for 6 weeks now, and i have really been missing it. there is something so therapeutic and rewarding in cooking. anyway, after a little nap we headed out to a christmas concert at the daughter's of the american revolution building in DC. welllllll, after looking for a parking spot (and being kicked out of one because we weren't "military personnel"...how do they know?!) for 30 minutes we gave up. we decided we should take advantage of already being in the city and ended up driving up to the national cathedral. it was breathtaking! there is something so incredible about old cathedrals and temples. it just amazes that they were built with someone's hands. we also found a really cool school behind the cathedral that i just had to have a picture with. i just love lauren, and i am so grateful i got to spend the day with her! we had a blast just having girl talk and exploring the city together. hopefully more days like this to come since we will live within walking distance of each other come january! yay!

Lucky 100.

So it's randomly my 100th post. and it just so happens to be a post about one of the most

incredible
epic
amazing
breathtaking
beautiful
floaty-moment
timeless

nights of my life. I really can't find the words to describe it accurately. But, I will try. It started out lovely as I met my sweetest friend Kendis for an Italian dinner near McPherson Square. It has been three years since we have been home from Italy, and not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about it. After dinner Kendis had a surprise event planned. Based on her excitement I knew it was going to be something wonderful. But I never imagined what was in store. When she handed me my ticket and I saw the name "Andrea Bocelli" I literally jumped up and down and screamed. I am sure everyone around me thought I was an idiot for not knowing where I was and what I was going to. Let me tell you, my ears and soul have never been happier. It was a night filled with utter beauty. What a talented, humble, sweet person Andrea is. It was the most perfect night with my girl. I am so sad she is leaving the District, but I am happy for what life has in store for her next. My little heart just might not be able to handle life without her, but I am so happy we got to soak up Andrea Bocelli together for a night. I will never forget it.

Giving Thanks.

So this year I spent Thanksgiving away from family. I have done this once before (when I was in London for a couple days before flying home from my study abroad...but was able to spend it with my lovely friends Kendis and Lynzie and Kendis's sweet family). But this time it was different. I live away from home now. As in I have to fly home to visit for the holidays. I'm trying not to think about that return flight on December 27th too much. Anyway, I wanted to take the opportunity to share some things I am thankful for this holiday season. I happen to love this time of year (it's what keeps me excited working in the retail world...).

celebrating the birth of our Savior
soft scarves
family
caramel apple cider
helping people buy gifts
mistletoe
homemade desserts
christmas music
good books
fireplaces
linking arms to stay warm
long phone conversations with friends far away

And lastly, I am so thankful for sweet new friends that let me and Lauren spend Thanksgiving with them. Dinner was fabulous and tasted like it came from Martha Stewart's kitchen. Then to top it off Mackenna made the.most.delicious.pies.ever. The crust was buttery heaven and the filling was incredible. Homemade pumpkin and apple-cranberry from scratch. I even witnessed the apple peeling. Thanks for a lovely evening girls!

My best friend...

So this one time (a couple weeks ago...) my best friend Alexia Allred came to visit me in Washington D.C. It was the biggest slice of heaven I could have ever dreamed of. I loved having someone to share the city with. The weekend was the perfect mix of site seeing, talking, and relaxing. Some of the highlights include: seeing the White House (don't mind our big heads blocking the house, you want to us anyway right?), touring the monuments along the Mall and Tidal Basin (I have a better picture where her finger is actually on the very tip, I just can't tell which one it is), Mount Vernon (we spent all Sunday here and it was absolutely lovely), getting a tour of the Capitol by our dear friend Kendis (she did a very great job!), and getting burgers at Good Stuff Eatery! We had such a great time, I am so thankful for such a sweet friend.

Rubbish.

Remember how I live on the 18th floor?

Well. Wanna know my favorite thing about being up so high up?

Apart from the amazing views and incredible sunsets...

I love taking the garbage to the "rubbish" chute.

I even have to wait for it to drop all.the.way.to.the.bottom.

It makes a delightful sliding, falling, crashing noise. It is wonderful.

While I'm at it I should also share something kind of neat. Sometimes when I am in the elevator going down, my ears pop. That means I live really really really high. Just thought you should know.

Rooftop Magic

The last two weeks have been heavenly. I got to fly home for my gorgeous cousins wedding and spend some time with family back in Provo. Unfortunately, the garden reception they had planned had to be moved inside due to rain and temperatures in the 40's. Luckily their neighbors offered their ultra chic, modern house for the event and it turned out lovely! I will post some pictures soon.

Well, I got back to DC late Wednesday night. It had been two weeks since I had seen my friend Kendis, so naturally Thursday nights plans revolved around us getting together. We went to Dupont Circle to Panera for a bagel and hot cocoa. It was delicious. Our night got a little interesting when we got off the metro and rode the escalator out into the pouring, monsoon style rain. We were soaked in .2 seconds. (We are both brilliant and left our umbrellas at home. I know, we are ridiculous.)

After we dried off, ate our snacks, and waited for the rain to stop we decided to pay a visit to our friend Ryan. Ryan is way cool, and happens to have the most amazing rooftop view at his apartment. The three of us sat on a park bench playing random songs we pulled up on youtube. We listened to this, this, and this to name a few. The moon was to die for, and we even figured out that Jupiter was the bright shiny ball next to the moon in the sky (thanks to my handy googlesky app!). From his roof we had a view of the Capitol dome, and the Washington Monument. The night was delightful and just what I needed. I fell a little bit more in love with DC (and felt kind of at home since one of my most favorite places in Provo is the top of the Wells Fargo Parking Garage. Turns out I kind of have a thing for rooftops.).

Life lately...

It turns out a lot can happen in a day. Life has become so unexpected since graduation...I have never had my life feel so open ended. Don't get me wrong, it is pretty wonderful. I'm just not used to it. I am used to structure, deadlines, responsibilities, schedules. Especially over the last three weeks, I have felt like a walking question mark.

Anyway, that's enough of my serious thoughts. I want to tell you about my day yesterday! Oh my goodness, it's kind of out of control. and kind of a lot, feel free to skim if desired. i won't even be offended.

Part-one. My morning started early as I showered, dressed and got ready to head to Silver Spring, MD (just outside the DC boundary...) for a job interview at APHL (Association of Public Health Laboratories). My interview was scheduled for noon, but I wanted to give myself plenty of time to metro over and find the building. Naturally this meant catching the 8:35 am shuttle. I arrived, found the building, then scoped out the area for the closest Starbucks. I ordered my hot cocoa and pulled out my laptop. 10:00 am. Luckily, I had nerves to calm and paperwork to fill out for the next two hours. Me being the classy lady that I am put on my make-up in the bathroom. Yes, you read that right. I spent all morning make-up less because I am that awesome. or lazy. or just can't ever stop snoozing. and I always run down the hall to catch the shuttle regardless of when I wake up. I know, I'm ridiculous. 11:45. Interview begins and I felt really good about how it went. It lasted about 45 minutes and required a lot of repetitive questions about what kind of employee I am, why Public Health, blah blah blah. But the two women I interviewed with were wonderful and would be great to work with. After the interview I felt I deserved some lunch so I treated myself to Chipotle (conveniently located around the corner! yay!). I didn't expect to hear back from them for a week because they told me they were still doing a primary interview on one last candidate and then they would decide who to call back for second interviews. 1:20. My phone rings. It's APHL offering me a second interview!! Oh my gosh, I cried. Literally. I am sure everyone thought I was crazy. Unfortunately it's not until October 17th because they are going out of town (again.).

Part-two. On my way home I decided maybe I would follow up with Anthropologie (I interviewed there last week but they are staffed right now, but may have temp openings for the new store on F street that opens next week...). I asked for the manager but he wasn't there, so I got his phone number and left the store. I passed JCrew and on a whim decided to go in and look around at all the pretty clothes. Again, on a whim, I asked one of the girl's for an application. She gave it to me and told me I could fill it out there if I wanted to. I decided I might as well, and plopped down in the shoe section to fill it out. When I finished I asked for a manager to hand it in to. After introducing myself and the manager taking a 10-second glance at my application she asked if I had 5 minutes? She thought the hiring manager was still there and felt like she should grab him. I agreed and she left to find him from the back of the store. I anxiously waited for about 5-7 minutes and then out she came with Andrew. We hit if off instantly (he loooooved my handshake! asked where I was from and said I was glowing!) and after explaining that I had never lived close enough to a JCrew to work there he jumped straight in to asking me if I would pass a background check. I said yes and he handed me a waiver. From there he went to get the store manager and we talked for a couple minutes about where I was from, etc. and then she went back to the back. Andrew then asked if we could just chat for a few minutes and he asked me to explain why I liked JCrew. I explained how its classic, timeless and not trendy. And that I just loved the aesthetic of the store. He g u s h e d about the word aesthetic. He went on to talk about the position a little bit, the dress code, and invited me to orientation TODAY! Ah! I walked out of the store in complete shock. Ijustgotajobatjcrew. Dream come true? Yes. To end my day with a bang, Georgetown Cupcake didn't even have a line. Best carrot cake cupcake I have ever tasted.

Part-three. So I went to orientation, filled out some of the paperwork (but unfortunately my passport wasn't in my wallet like I had thought, and my roommate couldn't find it anywhere to text me a picture to prove I have one, so I have to go back to orient the rest of the way on October 18th). Like seriously, this is my life? I can't believe it. I am super bummed that I didn't have my passport, but I didn't realize I had to have it with me 100%. He asked if I had one but never told me why it was relevant. I figured it was for the background check or something. Stupidstupidstupid me. But that's ok, he said they will be calling as soon as my background check clears to officially offer me a position. Now what do I do if I get the job at APHL? Someone please make that decision for me if I come to that point. I don't think I can choose. Maybe I will do both!

The places your feet can take you.

Sometimes its fun being a full-time tourist for a while. Today was one of those amazing, "I live here!" kind of days. I sort of love my life. My little legs carried me all over the the city today. Here is a little adventure log:

1) Took the metro to the Smithsonian stop (about halfway through the "mall")
2) Walked towards the Washington Monument
3) Continued to the WWII Memorial
4) Stopped on a park bench to rest up and enjoy a Diet Coke
5) Walked along the river to get to the Thomas Jefferson memorial via:

• Martin Luther King Jr. Monument (breathtaking.)
• Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial (might be one of my absolute favorites)
• George Mason Monument

6) Finally reached the Thomas Jefferson. It was incredible. I could see the white house, the capitol, the washington monument, MLK Jr., and Lincoln all from my little spot on the steps.
7) I decided to walk back sort of the way I came via Ohio Ave.
8) Korean War Memorial
9) Lincoln Memorial. This is my favorite. I got to listen to a park ranger spew off facts about it for 20 minutes. It was neat. He kind of talked in circles and was so anxious to move on to his next sentence he would often leave his current one dangling with hand motions in stead of words. Quite impressive.
10) I just love the Lincoln Memorial soooo much. I was a little tired from walking and the humidity so I snuggled into a column and read Jane Eyre for a while. It was a.m.a.z.i.n.g to say the least.
11) Then on my way to the metro I stopped by the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial.
12) Continued up 23rd street to the Foggy Bottom Metro Station and onto my little blue line train home.
13) Kendis texted me mid-trip, so I got off at Crystal City to meet up with some friends for 1/2 off burgers at a nearby pub. Kind of different, but I was starving so it tasted delicious!
14) After dinner, which I am sure they were shocked all 7 of us ordered water with our meal, Kendis and I walked to our lovely friend Shannon's house for a Redskins party. Great company, and delightful Korean popsicles.

Needless to say it was a great day in the District.

What was I thinking?

Well, today marked my third Sunday in the District. For those of you who don't know, that is what locals call Washington D.C. It makes me sound more official...I guess. It's been great, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I still have moments where I think to myself, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!". I have made it a goal to start documenting my life here, because it is pretty incredible. I know it is going to be the most amazing adventure ever. I have already learned so much about myself. Like how I try really really hard to not revert to my inner shy personality. But when a stranger from my new ward acts like a wild animal and sniffs me, I kind of freak out. Personal bubble?? I would love to share more in this post, but really should get to bed. I have been horrible at adjusting to the new time zone. But maybe it has something to do with the fact that all my friends and family seem to think 10 pm their time is a great time to call me. Never mind that it is midnight here in Alexandria and I would really like to start my day at a reasonable hour. Of course, I also answer, so it is equally my fault.

*picture taken of the Capitol building via my phone+retrocam app

Magic

A couple weeks ago I entered a giveaway on the cutest blog love and photographs. I started reading Stacy's blog when a friend of mine had it open in class a couple months ago. I quickly discovered that I loved it, and I think you will too. Anyway, she had a giveaway for a free Brazilian Blowout...and guess what? I won. Ya, I know. I screamed for 5 minutes. I got it done this week from Kristi at Stewart Palmer Salon in Provo. I am in love. Below are some before and after photos. The straight hair was achieved with only a round brush and blow dryer. No flat iron needed! My curl isn't gone all the way, but it is much shinier and way easier to manage. No frizz on this head!

Incidentally, Thursday was also the day I officially finished school at BYU. I have loved my time there, and I have to admit that I was feeling a bit nostalgic when I was studying in the library for the last time as an Undergraduate student. I snapped a few photos on my way through campus Wednesday night:


And last but not least, I will NEVER have to stand in line at the testing center ever again. Now that is a happy thought!

Cookies.

Today was a good day. I got fresh hot cookies, not only once--but twice. A batch made by my mother, and a batch made by my grandma. Both delicious and comforting in an indescribable way. My mom's taste buttery and chocolatey and rich. My grandma's taste like sweet cinnamon and oatmeal. Both chocolate chip, but completely unique. What is it about a cookie that makes us {in "us" I mean I am hoping there are others that are in love with cookies as much as I am}. I think this clip from Stranger Than Fiction displays how I feel when I eat a hot cookie perfectly. Its like love is baked right in.

(please excuse the poor quality, it is the only one youtube had of this clip!)

Studio.

Tonight I embarked on a homework trip with Alyssa. We went to the studio on campus. Late nights usually aren't my most productive times. All I want to do is play.

Alyssa is amazing and helped me and some friends with a group project earlier. She helped us morph our idea of a mock magazine cover into reality! Her magic photoshop and illustrator fingers impressed us all. Here is the inspiration for our idea:

Here is our idea made a reality:

The project was to create some sort of poster or visual image of an argument from one of the member's research papers. Our argument is that the media is not the only source to blame for young girls developing anorexia/eating disorders. I think it turned out pretty well, thanks to Alyssa! Our group owes her big time!

p.s. If you want a good laugh, read this article Alyssa and I discovered the other day. We have been laughing ever since.

Can't sleep...

It's been one of those days. One of those days when your eyes tear up for no reason, there's not really anything tangible to put into words to explain why you feel kind of down. Have you had one of those? Well now to top it off, I'm homesick for Italy. It feels like a lifetime since I've walked those cobblestone streets and listened to the melodic rhythm of the language. I miss Siena. I miss it always, but I'm always a little surprised when I start missing it as much as I do now.

Spontaneous Rendezvous.

{please excuse the horrible photo arrangement...blogger is sooo frustrating!}

Timeline:
12:15-my english class starts
12:30-Gavin: hey what are you doing at 2?
12:35-Me: getting out of class and eating lunch, why?
12:36-Gavin: my parents aren't using their les miserables tickets, do you want them? show starts at 2.
12:38-Me: Mom!!! wanna go to les mis right now??
12:39-Mom: YES!!!
12:40-Me: Gav! We want them!

and so begins the day of spontaneity and wonderfulness. i booked it out of class so fast, but realized i was still in scrubs from my morning shift at work. mom raced to my house and i ripped off my clothes, found the first skirt and shirt that matched and ran out the door with my boots in hand. we drove as fast as we could to salt lake city and got there right at 2. {we had to drive 70 mph the whole way, despite our rush because we got stuck in the oldandgutless car.} we still had to park so we missed the first ten minutes, sadly, but the remaining 3 hours were incredible! it was opening day, and it was fantastic. i have wanted to see it for sooo long! the music was absolutely amazing.

after the show we walked a couple blocks over for an early lunch at MARKET STREET GRILL. they have delicious fish and chips, and i hear their clam chowder is todiefor {according to my mother}. my personal favorite is the market street house dessert. its comprised of vanilla bean haagen-dazs, sabayon sauce {bitter rum custard}, and fresh berries. Delicious!

then we stopped over to Gateway for some Anthropologie and Urban Outfitters goodness. I snagged a cute $20 skirt at anthro, and my mom got a really cute light switch cover. overall, the day was a success. great entertainment, good food, wonderful atmosphere, and delightful company. i loved exploring SLC with "the mama".