productive.

Am I still being productive if I am reformatting my blog while instead I am supposed to be studying for a math test? I want to say "yes" but I feel like the answer is definitely NO. If my mother knew that I was wasting time like this should would be all sorts of bothered. I think I will keep it to myself until she reads this post weeks from now and finds out the truth.

The truth is--I HATE SPRING CLASSES! I find it really hard to study when all I want to do is play with my family and friends. I really need to find a better balance but don't really have the inner desire to-because deep down I know that means spending less time being unproductive (such as now...) and more time with a structured schedule and discipline. Oh well. That's life I guess.

This week has been a great one--a special highlight included a trip to smashburger with all my favorite people. My grandparents joined (my grandma loves it because they taste really similar to my grandpa's famous homemade "Jed-Burgers") and my mom and dad. As I sat there in between my grandma and grandpa, my parents across from me, and a whole table of the most unhealthy but delicious food (burgers, fries, shakes, and diet coke) I thought to myself "this is what its all about". Let me clarify--life isn't about greasy food. Life is about spending quality time with those you love. As I sat and enjoyed my delightful mid-week break I had such a grateful heart. I have so many things to be grateful for, especially recently, as I have learned (again...) that the Lord does hear and answer prayers--even if it takes a while. We must learn patience and faith in His plan. I have learned that it is when we doubt Him the most, we should pray the most.

one of those days.

so it was just one of those days. one of those weeks really. it started off nicely with having a monday holiday--although as i became more and more distracted by the olympics, and less and less productive with my school work, the stress began to mount. maybe it was the fact that my tuesday became a monday, or my break on wednesday was filled with a pointless test review leaving me starving til 5:30...i'm not sure. but whatever the reason, i was in quite the nasty mood this afternoon. it was one of those moods where you just want to smack those happy smiley people you run into in the head? you know those? well nevertheless, not good. i found myself being horribly sharp to my mother, who i love dearly and who always helps me solve my stressful woes. i usually however just end up trying to throw my stress onto her which doesn't help either of us and gets me nowhere. while studying in the depths of the library for my icky chem test i realized what an awful mood i was in but still couldn't quite shake it. in the middle of studying i realized i hadn't turned in a portion of my lab--great. there goes my grade. normally it might not be a huge deal, but considering my teacher might as well be satan, i am not expecting any mercy. as i sat there with tears welling in my eyes from the frustration i notice mr. smiley at the table across from mine. i know he was probably just trying to be friendly, but as i looked up at him i was half tempted to shout some awful blurb like "what are you smiling about?" or "get lost" at him. what a horrible person i am. luckily i restrained myself and left the library shortly thereafter just in case something slipped out. thank goodness that after my test was over and i came home to my delightful roommate alyssa, things changed for the better. as i discussed the events of the day with kendis, we were both thankful that we aren't subject to blurting out every thought that passes through our head. its days and weeks like this that make me especially grateful for private thoughts.

i feel like i should end my night on a happy note, so the following is a list of happy moments/things i liked from the week-

1) jamba juice apple cinnamon oatmeal. warm delightful heaven in a cup. even better on $1 wednesdays.

2)delightful roommates who laugh with me when i need it most

3)mom's homemade chocolate chip cookies. its amazing how comforting they can be.

4)olympics. even if they do distract me.

5)smiles. especially when i am in a rotten mood and dislike them the most.

everything.

so the past couple weeks I have been trying, key word trying, to be more fit. The first couple weeks I made it running once a week--good start right? But then this week I have already gone twice! With plans to go at least one more time. I am feeling pretty good about things--my legs and lungs are starting to agree a lot more with me. I was able to run a whole 2.5 miles! Woohoo! I am really hoping that I can stay motivated and actually, seriously, for reals get in shape this year. Another thing that I am really proud of doing-----ready for it?----I went to the dentist! Its been about 5 years, I know what you are thinking..."thats a long time!". I agree with you, it was a long time. But I just for some reason could not bring myself to go because the last time I went didn't go so well and ended in an anxiety attack and tears. No fun. But this last trip, although not enjoyable, did go well. I love my new dentist.

Tonight was wonderful. For the first time since I have been home I tasted authentic italy! Oh goodness was it magical. We got a group of girls together and all went here for dinner. I cannot describe the memories that came flashing back as my taste buds went crazy for the familiar tastes they have missed for so long. I cannot describe the feeling, and the pizza probably wouldn't be quite as amazing if you haven't had the real thing before, but it was delightful. I will go back. Not only was it authentic Italian Pizza but the pictures, people, and atmosphere were delightful as well. I can go to sleep happy and satisfied tonight with Italian pizza in my tummy and my legs feeling strengthened from my run. I think I can face tomorrow.

communal.

i am blessed with delightful roommates. i love them all, each for their own unique personalities. tonight i got to go on a date night with kendis and alyssa. we enjoyed a delicious, although rather small portioned, dinner at communal. it was warm and cozy and filled with exquisite local artwork. i sat across the table from the girls and felt so lucky to have such great friends. as conversation transitioned from one topic to the next i found myself loving them each more and more. i love that kendis and i are on the completely same wavelenght most of the time, and as we blurt out secret confessions at the same time- they always manage to be the same things. for instance, we both share a loathing of the phrase "i have to go to the little boys room." a) who says that? b)who says that when they are no longer a little boy, and haven't been for a while and c)why can't you just say something like, "excuse me, i'll be right back. or "i have to use the restroom...". it is moments when we look at each other and unexpectadly realize we are thinking the same thing that i know that in some other life we were meant to find each other. we were meant to be friends. i don't know what i would do without a sweet girl like her in my life. and then there is alyssa. alyssa's hugs are unlike any on this earth. no matter what the day has been like i automatically have a good day when i see her and get to share a snug embrace. i love belting out beyonce shamelessly in the car together just because we want to. i love seeing her and getting so excited i just have to jump up and down a little, and maybe let out a quite squeal of excitement. after we came home from dinner the gorgeous kelsey was at home anxiously awaiting our arrival home. kelsey's fun terms of endearment, and delightful ability to know just how to say what is on her mind and to tell you how much she missed you and what you mean to her uplift me everyday. we have only known each other for a short time, but i feel as though we have grown up together. talking into the early hours of the morning until our lids are heavy never gets old, no matter what the next day brings. i love these girls with all my heart. i am so greatful i get to live with them, and share this time of our lives together.

disconnected thoughts.

today i feel like blotting down all the words floating around in my head in an unorganized, very haphazard way. here it goes:

technology. disappointment. friends. ignore. boyfriends. time. errands. mom. family. mission. school. test. thanksgiving. gospel. love. marriage. happy. laughter. sarcasm. yellow. ice cream. cookie dough. strawberries. laundry. clothes. fancy. pasta. loneliness. abandoned. forgotten. siena. longing. piano. pandora. enthalpy. distraction. confusion. stress. desire. passion. paint. drawing. hammock. caramel steamer. physiology. blah. pearls. tired. exhausted. tears of laughter.

well now that i have had word vomit all over my page i feel like i am ready to express thoughts in a more formal way. today began with a very confusing hour of chemistry. i really have no idea what is going on, and quite frankly i am terrified for me next exam. i must dedicate some time to learning the material over thanksgiving break. however, this semester i have had my eye on mr. rayban which keeps things a little entertaining, even when i want to rip my hair out from the confusion and frustration. RayBan is cute and intriguing...we've talked a couple times, run into each other at a party, and actually have two classes together. however, after 3/4 of the semester he still hasn't initiated any contact. of course there are the constant glance backs, and smiles when we do make eye contact. the occasional small talk. but nothing of any substance. it is starting to get a little old, and i'm losing interest. anyway--after an hour of chemistry it was off to a physiology review. after another hour of feeling somewhat lost i was off to the wilk for a delightful treat and some study time. i treated myself do the most delightful treat in a cup ever to appear on campus. a caramel steamer. i by chance tried it last week...hello new favorite. its creamy rich goodness is the perfect friend for study time. i found myself a little cozy chair on the upper level of the wilk and dedicated the next two hours to physiology and an occasional cat nap. while studying i had an ah-ha moment. i love byu. its kind of strange that i am in my junior year...it kind of makes me sad to think that i only have 3-4 semesters left of school. what will i do without this in my life? yes there are the frustrating things of byu, like the only-creeper-mustaches allowed and no caffeine sold on campus situations, but overall its a great place. after my fairly unproductive study session it was off to run errands with my mom. it feels like we ventured into every store in utah county. we were searching for numerous items including a children's book, clothes for the anniversary party tomorrow night, christmas presents, prescriptions, and a birthday present. it started with old navy then followed with ross, tj maxx, walmart, toys r us, barnes and noble, down east outfitters, cafe rio (we had to have some fuel at this point...), jc penny, and ended with a delicious round of yo zone with the boys (gib and kon). needless to say, the 11 hours were exhausting. it feels good to lay in bed, listen to some soothing tunes and blurt out my thoughts. sometimes i forget how good it feels to have my fingers type away as i process thoughts in my head and type things i didn't even know i was feeling. it can be very therapeutic. why do i go so long between posts? i really need to be better about it. i am currently listening to my new favorite song...."strawberry swing" by coldplay. its just a little bit magical. i just finished a roommate chat with kenken. she is a very delightful girl. i love when she cozies up next to me in bed and we chit chat for a bit...laughing about the funny, horrifying moments of the night that she had to endure, but as usual endured well. tomorrow is filled with exciting events. the opener will be a fun game of byu vs. airforce with kenken, mike, me and my plus one. i don't exactly know who my plus one will be...but hopefully i find someone worth taking. after the game the night will be filled with family, good times, memories, tears and laughter as we celebrate my grandparents 5oth wedding anniversary! i cannot believe they have been married for 50 years, the thought is unimaginable to me. but they seem happy, and as in love as ever. i look forward to the good times tomorrow will bring, but for now i am off to bed to recharge before the festivities. love you all.

mmm

i'm just heading to bed but felt the need to post again. i wanted to mention how fantastic it is to hear the rain tinkling outside my window as a cool breeze blows in. i love the change of seasons and the wonderful colors dotting the mountains. fall means great things in my book. for example, fall includes: my birthday, sweaters that you've been dying to wear since you bought them in july when everyone starts changing their clothing lines, beautiful sunsets that creep earlier and earlier into the day, last epic end of summer social events, football games and barbecues, and the feeling that something big is going to happen "this" fall. i absolutely cannot wait until the aspens above sundance have turned all shades of gold and yellow and i get to take a meandering drive up the alpine loop. oh how i wish fall could last forever. but for now i must succumb to the soft, fluffy sheets that are calling for me to snuggle into them and close my eyes for a good nights sleep. buonanotte.

too long.

so as i sit here in my living room at my apartment hangin out with my newly purchased gossip girl season 1 dvds, symphony bar, smart water, chemistry book, and laptop i am trying to stay on task and get some studying done on this f.r.i.d.a.y night. but then i decided i needed a break. as i sat refreshing fbook for a few minutes i decided i needed a more creative outlet. then a little thought sparked in my brain. i need to blog. it has been far too long since my last post and my fingers miss spilling my inner thoughts onto the blank canvas of a new blog entry. school has started and is in full swing. someone made a comment the other day that they feel like the rest of their life will be studying whats on the "next test". i decided that it sometimes feels that way. whether it is for chemistry class, or a test in life, we are always preparing for what comes next. i recently turned the big 2-1. strange. i never really thought the day would actually come when i would be twenty one years old, a junior in college, living on my own, working, etc. etc. etc. now that i am here i don't really feel that old. i think when i was little i had this illusion that i would be this smart, no-it-all adult at this age. that somehow i would magically be mature and know how to do really grown up things. come to find out i still feel like i don't know much about anything. but i do know that i am beginning to find out things about myself that i never noticed before. some things are pretty significant, while others are silly, somewhat trivial things. like i love love love vanilla-lavender laundry detergent. agh. well this has felt good, i am a little out of practice and the creative tracks in my brain seem to need some oiling, but stay tuned and hopefully things come out smoother in the future.