disconnected thoughts.

today i feel like blotting down all the words floating around in my head in an unorganized, very haphazard way. here it goes:

technology. disappointment. friends. ignore. boyfriends. time. errands. mom. family. mission. school. test. thanksgiving. gospel. love. marriage. happy. laughter. sarcasm. yellow. ice cream. cookie dough. strawberries. laundry. clothes. fancy. pasta. loneliness. abandoned. forgotten. siena. longing. piano. pandora. enthalpy. distraction. confusion. stress. desire. passion. paint. drawing. hammock. caramel steamer. physiology. blah. pearls. tired. exhausted. tears of laughter.

well now that i have had word vomit all over my page i feel like i am ready to express thoughts in a more formal way. today began with a very confusing hour of chemistry. i really have no idea what is going on, and quite frankly i am terrified for me next exam. i must dedicate some time to learning the material over thanksgiving break. however, this semester i have had my eye on mr. rayban which keeps things a little entertaining, even when i want to rip my hair out from the confusion and frustration. RayBan is cute and intriguing...we've talked a couple times, run into each other at a party, and actually have two classes together. however, after 3/4 of the semester he still hasn't initiated any contact. of course there are the constant glance backs, and smiles when we do make eye contact. the occasional small talk. but nothing of any substance. it is starting to get a little old, and i'm losing interest. anyway--after an hour of chemistry it was off to a physiology review. after another hour of feeling somewhat lost i was off to the wilk for a delightful treat and some study time. i treated myself do the most delightful treat in a cup ever to appear on campus. a caramel steamer. i by chance tried it last week...hello new favorite. its creamy rich goodness is the perfect friend for study time. i found myself a little cozy chair on the upper level of the wilk and dedicated the next two hours to physiology and an occasional cat nap. while studying i had an ah-ha moment. i love byu. its kind of strange that i am in my junior year...it kind of makes me sad to think that i only have 3-4 semesters left of school. what will i do without this in my life? yes there are the frustrating things of byu, like the only-creeper-mustaches allowed and no caffeine sold on campus situations, but overall its a great place. after my fairly unproductive study session it was off to run errands with my mom. it feels like we ventured into every store in utah county. we were searching for numerous items including a children's book, clothes for the anniversary party tomorrow night, christmas presents, prescriptions, and a birthday present. it started with old navy then followed with ross, tj maxx, walmart, toys r us, barnes and noble, down east outfitters, cafe rio (we had to have some fuel at this point...), jc penny, and ended with a delicious round of yo zone with the boys (gib and kon). needless to say, the 11 hours were exhausting. it feels good to lay in bed, listen to some soothing tunes and blurt out my thoughts. sometimes i forget how good it feels to have my fingers type away as i process thoughts in my head and type things i didn't even know i was feeling. it can be very therapeutic. why do i go so long between posts? i really need to be better about it. i am currently listening to my new favorite song...."strawberry swing" by coldplay. its just a little bit magical. i just finished a roommate chat with kenken. she is a very delightful girl. i love when she cozies up next to me in bed and we chit chat for a bit...laughing about the funny, horrifying moments of the night that she had to endure, but as usual endured well. tomorrow is filled with exciting events. the opener will be a fun game of byu vs. airforce with kenken, mike, me and my plus one. i don't exactly know who my plus one will be...but hopefully i find someone worth taking. after the game the night will be filled with family, good times, memories, tears and laughter as we celebrate my grandparents 5oth wedding anniversary! i cannot believe they have been married for 50 years, the thought is unimaginable to me. but they seem happy, and as in love as ever. i look forward to the good times tomorrow will bring, but for now i am off to bed to recharge before the festivities. love you all.

mmm

i'm just heading to bed but felt the need to post again. i wanted to mention how fantastic it is to hear the rain tinkling outside my window as a cool breeze blows in. i love the change of seasons and the wonderful colors dotting the mountains. fall means great things in my book. for example, fall includes: my birthday, sweaters that you've been dying to wear since you bought them in july when everyone starts changing their clothing lines, beautiful sunsets that creep earlier and earlier into the day, last epic end of summer social events, football games and barbecues, and the feeling that something big is going to happen "this" fall. i absolutely cannot wait until the aspens above sundance have turned all shades of gold and yellow and i get to take a meandering drive up the alpine loop. oh how i wish fall could last forever. but for now i must succumb to the soft, fluffy sheets that are calling for me to snuggle into them and close my eyes for a good nights sleep. buonanotte.

too long.

so as i sit here in my living room at my apartment hangin out with my newly purchased gossip girl season 1 dvds, symphony bar, smart water, chemistry book, and laptop i am trying to stay on task and get some studying done on this f.r.i.d.a.y night. but then i decided i needed a break. as i sat refreshing fbook for a few minutes i decided i needed a more creative outlet. then a little thought sparked in my brain. i need to blog. it has been far too long since my last post and my fingers miss spilling my inner thoughts onto the blank canvas of a new blog entry. school has started and is in full swing. someone made a comment the other day that they feel like the rest of their life will be studying whats on the "next test". i decided that it sometimes feels that way. whether it is for chemistry class, or a test in life, we are always preparing for what comes next. i recently turned the big 2-1. strange. i never really thought the day would actually come when i would be twenty one years old, a junior in college, living on my own, working, etc. etc. etc. now that i am here i don't really feel that old. i think when i was little i had this illusion that i would be this smart, no-it-all adult at this age. that somehow i would magically be mature and know how to do really grown up things. come to find out i still feel like i don't know much about anything. but i do know that i am beginning to find out things about myself that i never noticed before. some things are pretty significant, while others are silly, somewhat trivial things. like i love love love vanilla-lavender laundry detergent. agh. well this has felt good, i am a little out of practice and the creative tracks in my brain seem to need some oiling, but stay tuned and hopefully things come out smoother in the future.

hiatus.

so i recently felt really guilty about not finishing my posts from the final experiences italy had to offer. as well as the things i ran into during my last week traveling with lynzie in paris and london. so i will change that soon. i have been working on some entries with lots of stories and tons more brain pushing moments. my heart is beginning to long for italy. it has started to sink in that it will never be the same again. even if i were to go back to visit, the circumstances can never be recreated. i will never be with the most wonderful set of 24 girls. never will Peter serve as a teacher, father, priesthood figure, protector, philosophical discussion leader, etc. all at the same time. never living, actually living in siena. attending school with crazy italian, yet lovable teachers. as annoying as it was, crappy internet found at a contrada fountain in the middle of a busy street. so many nevers. yet, i hope that some day i will get to revisit the places i grew to love and feel the connection i have to them stronger than ever. my heart grew in italy. as i reflect on my time spent there i realize how much i changed, yet how much it just reinforced the things in me i already knew were there.

this is my friend cailey and I overlooking the beautiful san gimignano scenery.

Under the Tuscan Sun

Have you ever seen this movie and thought- holy cow! I wanna go there? Well if you have, because I thought the same thing, it is possible. The movie is filmed in the city of Cortona and I was lucky enough to spend the day there on Saturday. The morning started off early with lots of fog and an early train departure at 8 am. I know it doesn’t sound that early but I had to wake up at 6:30 to be ready to leave for the train station at 7…so still not miserably early but for a Saturday it is a lot earlier than I like! Allora, we had one layover in the most adorable tiny little city, I don't even know what the name was, but it was so cute. We walked down the street and caught a lot of attention. 10 pretty American girls walking down the street at 9 am on a Saturday morning all with backpacks on. Through multiple store windows I saw old men shaving other Italian men, they actually still had barber shops! It was wonderful. The café's were filled with many Italians just waking up to their morning coffee and croissant. We found a grocery store and bought many delicious treats for lunch and made it back just in time for our train to take us on our last leg to Cortona. We arrived at the bottom of Cortona about 10:51, only to miss the 10:55 bus to the actual city of Cortona that is about 3 km up a massive mountain from the train station. Since when does public transportation leave early in ITALY? Never. But wait, this one time it does of course. Just our luck. Our options were to either wait til 12, call 3 taxis for the 10 of us which would cost about 15 euro a taxi to take us up to the city, or walk. Hmm. We decided we would be adventurous and walk to the top. It definitely was a hike, but allowed for us to be right in the amazing scenery of Tuscany. As we made the winding hike along the small paved road to the ancient walled city we passed many locals gathering their olives in their groves. All of them waved and greeted us nicely as we continued on our journey up the hill. When we arrived I felt very proud that we made the massive trek. The view from the top was absolutely breathtaking and the colors of fall were spanning the countryside. We walked around the quite city and were serenaded by middle-aged Italian man playing his guitar and harmonica in the streets. Everything about the day screamed Italy and I tried my best to soak it all up. We ate lunch at a warm, cozy trattoria. We all got Pappa al Pomodoro--a tuscan soup with tomatoes, basil, garlic, and pieces of bread soaked in it. Even though I'm not much of a fan for tomatoes, it was pretty yummy with some olive oil and freshly grated Parmesan cheese on top. It was warm both in physical taste and soulful taste. Afterwards we went to an overlook behind the city, walked through the streets some more, and popped into some little shops. Before catching our bus back down to the train station (as much fun as it was to hike the 3 km up to the city we decided that a bus for the way down was a little more appealing….) we treated ourselves to some gelato. The price was low, the portion perfect, and the flavors delicious. When we got to the train station to head for Firenze for the night 4 minutes before our train was to arrive they made an announcement saying there was a 1 hour delay in arrival time. First our bus leaves early and now our train is an hour late. I think Italy is out to get us sometimes when it comes to planning out our transportation routes and schedules. As we anxiously awaited for the train to arrive we stood on the assigned platform (there were only two at this particular station, it was quite small) and entertained ourselves. Kendis, Alyssa, Lynzie, and I parted our hair down the middle like the 90's and laughed so hard we were crying. In the middle of this whole scenario we heard a train coming and excitedly thought it could be ours. We were wrong. Very wrong. It was a speeding cargo train that when it came flashing by us created such a wind current that I thought I might just be sucked into the train or thrown to the ground at any moment. Our hair was whipping around and as I looked around at the other girls I could see that they were laughing hysterically too in addition to the very stunned look on their faces. We were unable to hear each other over the loud train so it made the whole situation that much funnier, seeing but not hearing everyone's freak out moment. When it was over we were pretty much doubled over in laughter and all expressed the same feelings of shock we had just experienced. Our train eventually came for us and we were then on our way to Florence for the night to be able to attend District Conference on Sunday and spend one last afternoon in the city. The train ride was pretty much uneventful other than the girl that sat across from me with the strangest haircut I have ever seen. Unfortunately she got off the train before I could sneak a photo. Getting off the train was like walking into a whirlwind. The Santa Maria Novella Station in Florence is an absolute madhouse. There are endless platforms with trains coming and going and piles and piles of people and luggage racing from here and there all over the place. It was such a contrast to walk into that station after being in such a serene place all day. The rest of the weekend brought many startling as well as spiritual experiences but I will write about them in a separate entry, for they deserve to be separated from my lovely Saturday journey.

dance partay!

Monday night held the most magnificent FHE I have ever experienced. It included the following:

• 14 girls
• Music
• Darkness
• Laughter
• No-shame dancing

Having a dance party in the art room in the uppermost classroom of Dante Alighieri was such a blast. We played all our favorite songs, including some that have been labeled our "theme" songs. We had countless circles alternating who was in the center showing off their unique, original dance moves. Each girl brought their own spunkiness to the room and we had so much fun laughing and enjoying all the different styles of dance. We decided that it was a good way to celebrate our good times here in Italy and it definitely was.