disconnected thoughts.

today i feel like blotting down all the words floating around in my head in an unorganized, very haphazard way. here it goes:

technology. disappointment. friends. ignore. boyfriends. time. errands. mom. family. mission. school. test. thanksgiving. gospel. love. marriage. happy. laughter. sarcasm. yellow. ice cream. cookie dough. strawberries. laundry. clothes. fancy. pasta. loneliness. abandoned. forgotten. siena. longing. piano. pandora. enthalpy. distraction. confusion. stress. desire. passion. paint. drawing. hammock. caramel steamer. physiology. blah. pearls. tired. exhausted. tears of laughter.

well now that i have had word vomit all over my page i feel like i am ready to express thoughts in a more formal way. today began with a very confusing hour of chemistry. i really have no idea what is going on, and quite frankly i am terrified for me next exam. i must dedicate some time to learning the material over thanksgiving break. however, this semester i have had my eye on mr. rayban which keeps things a little entertaining, even when i want to rip my hair out from the confusion and frustration. RayBan is cute and intriguing...we've talked a couple times, run into each other at a party, and actually have two classes together. however, after 3/4 of the semester he still hasn't initiated any contact. of course there are the constant glance backs, and smiles when we do make eye contact. the occasional small talk. but nothing of any substance. it is starting to get a little old, and i'm losing interest. anyway--after an hour of chemistry it was off to a physiology review. after another hour of feeling somewhat lost i was off to the wilk for a delightful treat and some study time. i treated myself do the most delightful treat in a cup ever to appear on campus. a caramel steamer. i by chance tried it last week...hello new favorite. its creamy rich goodness is the perfect friend for study time. i found myself a little cozy chair on the upper level of the wilk and dedicated the next two hours to physiology and an occasional cat nap. while studying i had an ah-ha moment. i love byu. its kind of strange that i am in my junior year...it kind of makes me sad to think that i only have 3-4 semesters left of school. what will i do without this in my life? yes there are the frustrating things of byu, like the only-creeper-mustaches allowed and no caffeine sold on campus situations, but overall its a great place. after my fairly unproductive study session it was off to run errands with my mom. it feels like we ventured into every store in utah county. we were searching for numerous items including a children's book, clothes for the anniversary party tomorrow night, christmas presents, prescriptions, and a birthday present. it started with old navy then followed with ross, tj maxx, walmart, toys r us, barnes and noble, down east outfitters, cafe rio (we had to have some fuel at this point...), jc penny, and ended with a delicious round of yo zone with the boys (gib and kon). needless to say, the 11 hours were exhausting. it feels good to lay in bed, listen to some soothing tunes and blurt out my thoughts. sometimes i forget how good it feels to have my fingers type away as i process thoughts in my head and type things i didn't even know i was feeling. it can be very therapeutic. why do i go so long between posts? i really need to be better about it. i am currently listening to my new favorite song...."strawberry swing" by coldplay. its just a little bit magical. i just finished a roommate chat with kenken. she is a very delightful girl. i love when she cozies up next to me in bed and we chit chat for a bit...laughing about the funny, horrifying moments of the night that she had to endure, but as usual endured well. tomorrow is filled with exciting events. the opener will be a fun game of byu vs. airforce with kenken, mike, me and my plus one. i don't exactly know who my plus one will be...but hopefully i find someone worth taking. after the game the night will be filled with family, good times, memories, tears and laughter as we celebrate my grandparents 5oth wedding anniversary! i cannot believe they have been married for 50 years, the thought is unimaginable to me. but they seem happy, and as in love as ever. i look forward to the good times tomorrow will bring, but for now i am off to bed to recharge before the festivities. love you all.

mmm

i'm just heading to bed but felt the need to post again. i wanted to mention how fantastic it is to hear the rain tinkling outside my window as a cool breeze blows in. i love the change of seasons and the wonderful colors dotting the mountains. fall means great things in my book. for example, fall includes: my birthday, sweaters that you've been dying to wear since you bought them in july when everyone starts changing their clothing lines, beautiful sunsets that creep earlier and earlier into the day, last epic end of summer social events, football games and barbecues, and the feeling that something big is going to happen "this" fall. i absolutely cannot wait until the aspens above sundance have turned all shades of gold and yellow and i get to take a meandering drive up the alpine loop. oh how i wish fall could last forever. but for now i must succumb to the soft, fluffy sheets that are calling for me to snuggle into them and close my eyes for a good nights sleep. buonanotte.

too long.

so as i sit here in my living room at my apartment hangin out with my newly purchased gossip girl season 1 dvds, symphony bar, smart water, chemistry book, and laptop i am trying to stay on task and get some studying done on this f.r.i.d.a.y night. but then i decided i needed a break. as i sat refreshing fbook for a few minutes i decided i needed a more creative outlet. then a little thought sparked in my brain. i need to blog. it has been far too long since my last post and my fingers miss spilling my inner thoughts onto the blank canvas of a new blog entry. school has started and is in full swing. someone made a comment the other day that they feel like the rest of their life will be studying whats on the "next test". i decided that it sometimes feels that way. whether it is for chemistry class, or a test in life, we are always preparing for what comes next. i recently turned the big 2-1. strange. i never really thought the day would actually come when i would be twenty one years old, a junior in college, living on my own, working, etc. etc. etc. now that i am here i don't really feel that old. i think when i was little i had this illusion that i would be this smart, no-it-all adult at this age. that somehow i would magically be mature and know how to do really grown up things. come to find out i still feel like i don't know much about anything. but i do know that i am beginning to find out things about myself that i never noticed before. some things are pretty significant, while others are silly, somewhat trivial things. like i love love love vanilla-lavender laundry detergent. agh. well this has felt good, i am a little out of practice and the creative tracks in my brain seem to need some oiling, but stay tuned and hopefully things come out smoother in the future.